Prom Spot - Parents & Prom: Compromising with Your Teen on Prom Night

As your teen gets older, you'll have more trouble pulling the "because I said so" card. Learn the art of negotiation with your teen so you'll both be happy with the outcome this prom season.

Keep Communication Open
Successful compromising starts with communication. Parents must speak, listen, and understand simultaneously to negotiate with their teen. If one of those three parts falls short, you'll be less likely to communicate effectively. Explain to your teen that you both need to come to a compromise on the issue at hand. Talk in a slow, normal tone and don't interrupt. If you set a good example, your teen will follow.

Respect Each Other
Although you're the parent, you should still listen to and respect your teen. Keep in mind your teen is going through developmental, social, and hormonal changes, and you need to be the bigger person. Be sure to keep your anger under control and speak in a manner and tone that you'd want your teen to speak in as well. If things get too heated, take a break and reconvene later.

Find Alternative Solutions
Avoid using the word "no." Instead of just shutting your teen down and saying "absolutely not," come up with alternative solutions. Say, "I'm not really comfortable with that, but how about this?" By giving your teen choices, they'll still feel like they have a little control over the situation, but in the end, you'll both get what you want.

Meet in the Middle
Start by having your teen state the ideal prom situation, and then explain your side. Take each conflict point by point (allowing each party to speak fully) until you've reached a suitable conclusion for each issue. This give and take will create trust and understanding with your teen, and if they see you're willing to give a little, so will they.

Stick to Your Word
Once you've come to an agreement, hold up your end of the deal. You may want to clarify if a certain part of your compromise is a privilege and can be lost due to poor behavior. It's important to mention this during negotiations so your teen doesn't think you're reneging on your agreement. If you break your compromise, chances are your teen won't trust you during future negotiations.

Extra Tips for Compromising

Use "I" statements. Starting every sentence with "you" can be a bit intimidating. Put the emphasis on you (the parent) by saying, "I feel this" or "I feel that."

Pick the right place and time. Plan ahead and schedule a time to sit and talk -- preferably in an area where your teen feels most comfortable. Tell them in advance what you plan on discussing so they don't feel attacked or put on the spot.

Remember that you are the parent. If your teen wants to do something you absolutely don't approve of, put your foot down. Ultimately, you're in control and don't have to negotiate anything you're not comfortable with.

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--Brianne DiSylvester

Photo Credit: Digital Vision Photography/Veer