Prom Spot - Parents & Prom: Size Up Her Prom Date

Guess who's coming to dinner? That's right, your daughter's prom date. If you haven't already, consider asking her date over for dinner or a casual get together. The peace of mind it can bring is invaluable. And while your kid may shudder at the mere thought, it's your right as a parent to find out who she's going out with. With that in mind, here are some helpful hints for getting to know her date.

Create a Comfort Zone

Treating the date like a lab rat is an obvious no-no, but you'd be surprised at how many parents do just that. If you give him too much attention, he's bound to feel uneasy, which can prevent you from getting to know the real him. Your best bet for coaxing your guest out of his shell is to make him feel relaxed. "Parents should back off and have sympathy for the guy," Kate Kelly, author of The Complete Idiot's Guide to Raising a Teenager, explains. "Treat him as you would a friend." Once he's at ease, he'll lose his inhibitions and will reveal his true personality. Good or bad, at least you'll know the real deal.

Beware of the Perfect Guy
He may look perfect on paper -- warm smile, straight-A student, volunteer -- but that doesn't mean you should drop your guard. Carol Weston, author of Girltalk: All The Stuff Your Sister Never Told You, explains: "Some great guys are tongue-tied with parents. Some lesser guys are incredible with hearty handshakes and eye contact." Everyone has flaws and insecurities. Some guys are just better at hiding them. So if he seems too good to be true, he just may be.

Mind His Manners
In this day and age, good manners are a rarity. While your daughter may not care, manners are a sign that her date was raised by a solid family with good values. When evaluating his manners, check to see if he waits for an invitation before sitting down. Does he chew with his mouth closed? Does he open the door for your daughter? Does he ask questions and listen when you talk? Passing the manners test may not be enough to win you over, but it's a good start.

Probe Beneath the Surface
Many parents look for things like piercings, tattoos, and dress to figure out if the guy is bad news. But not every guy with weird clothes or a pierced nose is a trouble maker. Today's kids have different styles and attitudes than their yester-year counterparts. Your daughter might be interested in guys who are creative or have a special talent, which says a lot about the kind of person she wants to be. So even if you don't agree with the cover, make sure not to dismiss her date based on his looks alone.

Master the Art of Small Talk
Some parents think they have to grill the guy about politics, world views, and future life goals to get to know him. But you don't need to go to extremes. Talking about noncontroversial, everyday topics like school, friends, and hobbies will tell you everything you need to know. What are his favorite movies? What kind of music does he listen to? What are some of his hobbies? If most of his top picks are violent or aggressive in nature, you may want to pay closer attention to other cues in order to get a better sense of who is.

Observe Your Girl
When it comes down to it, you're not dating the guy -- your daughter is. So it makes sense to gauge how she feels about him. At some point during the meeting, make sure to observe your daughter's behavior. Is she comfortable around her date? Is she open and communicative? Does she act like herself? Or is she trying to be someone she's not? Kate Kelly encourages parents to "observe your daughter's responses and behavior. If she's in a good mood and feeling positive, then it's a positive relationship. If she's acting secretive, insecure, or anxious, you may want to take a good look at what's really going on."

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--Elina Furman