Prom Spot - Parents & Prom: 5 Sticky Situations Solved

The short of it: Your teen's prom is fun for them and frenzy-inducing for you. Don't worry, you aren't being neurotic. Anticipation and anxiety are natural, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be ready for drama when it happens. Here are five common scenarios and how to deal with them.

Q: My daughter's heart is set on wearing an outrageously sexy dress. What do I do?

A: No doubt about it -- many of today's dresses are definitely on the sexy side. But just because something is trendy doesn't mean you’re completely uncool if you say no to her wearing next to nothing. If you're really bothered by her dress, check the school's dress code. Some have rules that actually prohibit frocks that are belly-baring or have a slit up to there. So you may be able to avoid the conflict altogether. If there's no dress code and you don't want to completely disappoint your daughter, tell her you're uncomfortable with her selection. Ask her if she'll meet you halfway by wearing a cover-up, capelet, or shrug. If the dress is completely over-the-top and you feel strongly against it, you are still her parent and you can lay down the law and tell her she can't wear it. But offer to look through magazines and websites for another great look or even suggest playing chauffeur on her extra shopping hunts so you aren't coming down on her too hard.

Q: My daughter's keeping her date from meeting us. Is there any way I can meet him without making her feel like I'm being too protective?

A: Well, your best bet might be to have a chat. Tell her you trust her and are glad she found a date she really likes. But you have to be honest and play parent to find out more about him. A few of the questions you should ask: 1) How long have you known him? 2) How old is he? 3) What's his reputation at school? 4) Who else will be in your prom group? If her answers are vague or she says he's 25 and has dated every girl in school, you should meet him. Make sure your daughter understands that you're not trying to make her uncomfortable; you're just worried about her well-being. Ask her if she can casually bring him around either for lunch on a Saturday or maybe to do homework during the week. Promise you won't give him the third degree. When you meet him, trust your instincts first and watch for these clues: Is he respectful toward your daughter? Does he let her talk without interruption? Does she look comfortable around him? If you can say yes to all three, then he's probably okay. Don't be too harsh; remember, you were a teenager once too.

Q: I'm hosting an after-prom party at my house for my son and his friends. How do I keep them from drinking?

A: Difficult as it may be, you can make sure it's a dry party by keeping gatecrashers away from your home. Create a guest list in advance and greet all invited guests at the door to verify that they're not carrying liquor. You should also circulate all night long to check for people sneaking outside to drink. Most importantly, don’t keep alcohol in the house since most teens view this as an open invitation to drink.

Q: My daughter's date just broke up with her and she doesn't want to go solo. She already paid for her dress, tickets, and limo. Should I encourage her to go anyway?

A: Talk about a prom nightmare! This is one situation that requires a delicate hand. Let her take the lead. Forcing your teen to go to prom when she feels embarrassed and rejected is not the way to go. At the same time, you don't want her to miss her big night. She's probably heartbroken, so fixing her up isn't a great way to go about getting her to prom. Instead, why not think about a family friend who might make a perfect, just-friends date? Run those suggestions by her. If that's not an option, review the return policy on all the items you've paid for already -- you still may be able to get partial refunds. Finally, if all else fails, try to motivate her to go to prom. If she still hesitates, drop it and let her make the final call.

Q: It's a week before prom and my son just told us he's flat out of cash. He wants to borrow over a hundred dollars for the limo and dinner, even though we agreed he would pay for these things himself. What should we do?

A: While many parents do help with prom expenses, very few spring for the entire event. With time running out, your son can't possibly make enough money, and you can be sure his date has already spent most of her funds on the dress, hairstyle, and prom tickets. Still, you don't want to set a bad precedent by letting your son off the hook completely. Give him a loan but require him to pay back the money over the course of several months. That way, he'll learn the value of a dollar without missing out on prom.

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--Elina Furman